My Kind of Crazy

“You know that feeling? The one when you’ve been on the toilet for so long, you’ve lost track of time, and you get up and feel something bubbled up on your ass? The feeling that shit is still coming out as you pull up your pants and wash your hands?

“The one where you still fill the lump in your ass as you walk out of the bathroom? As if a thick, stubborn blot of shit followed you out of the toilet? But instead of shit it’s just a big ass hemorrhoid on your asshole? The kind that’s so bad no cream will heal it? So you decide you’ll just have to get used to the uncomfortable lump, and accept that it’s a part of your life now?”

It took a moment for Herbert to respond. His quizzical expression said it all. “Why the hell would you ever think about that, babe? Just… why?”

“Well, yesterday, you asked me how I felt about you and I couldn’t find the right words. Well, it took me a while, but I think that pretty much sums it up.”

Herbert downs a pill to ease his arthritis and pecks my cheek. “You’re my kind of crazy, babe.”

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