Scantily-clad skeleton whores and their royal subjects march the fine line of morality, drunkenly toeing a cum soaked strip of purple satin and grit. A squad of gaping streusel mouths danced at their backs, so close in fact that they are practically stomping the bone wenches’ furry capes. The paper mache orgasm brigade, we call them; together, they performed with such finesse and skill, only to be reduced to soggy strips of yesterday’s news when the patrons erupted.

Glass serpents coil the thirteen Corinthian columns in the main hall, sacred sentries of the citadel. In the lobby, I wave to Glinda, but she doesn’t see me for the green and gold plasma bulbs floating past in a cold draft, like a festive hot air balloon fest. Besides, these days she’s so strung out on poppy shots that she probably would not even recognize me.
Loud music deafens the wailing children in the back and the chunky belches of their parents hurling in the sugar-glazed stairwell. Those who try to move from the stairs to the bathroom do so with the assistance of a molten chocolate and vinegar Slip’n Slide.
I can’t help but just sit and stare, a dorky smile pasted on my face. For forty-seven years I had been in the west, scaling jagged cliffs, dodging countless blazing apple cannons, and fighting teams of feathered simians – my journey transformed me, yet the emerald castle was just as I left it.

Innocence preached that there was no place like home; wisdom taught me that home is where you make it. I left the palace beside three flawed friends, and return now alone with a plastic sack containing the head of the bitch that killed my family because of a pair of ugly shoes. She claimed the dull things contained immense power, but all they had was the horrid stench of sweat and a broken latch.

Suddenly I see him by the gumdrop dispenser, with a handful of purple gummies and a devious grin. He was the only one with enough power to travel between the worlds, and now, with the Bitch of the West done for, no one could stop him – us – from purging the two realms. With his magic and my wielding of Glinda’s wand and the so-called powerful slippers, we will be unstoppable.

I light a cigarette, before a couple handsome Munchkin boys take me by the hand and lead to me to my king, my wonderful wizard.

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